On Quitting and Relapses

Late last year, I made possibly one of the best decisions in my life, quitting smoking… or at least, an attempt on doing just that. I decided upon the fact that it’s merely an oral fixation, that if I did something similar, though not cigarettes per se, it would help me avert from actual ‘death sticks’.

Yes. I decided upon getting myself a set of electronic cigarettes.

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I succeeded, albeit for the equivalent of an entire quarter of a year, roughly… When I got back to the call center industry, however, I started getting back to the vice. That was in late February.

Now that I’m unemployed and almost no longer have any cigarette purchasing power, I have resorted back to e-cigarettes, and I have been ‘vaping’ for the past 36 hours. It feels better. I feel better. My fatigue levels have decreased significantly and I am able to breathe much clearer.

However, the only relapse I feel is that strong urge to pick a stick up and light up… and I did just that.

The initial taste. That initial sensation. This brings me back. The feeling of having an ashtray’s contents pour onto my tongue. I know that after a few sticks, the tar will mask all these and I would no longer feel anything special nor otherwise anymore, that it would be second nature for me to just smoke stick after stick after stick, but I digress.

Alas, I couldn’t finish an entire stick, just after merely 36 hours without it. I threw the remaining half, dripped my wonderfully delightful zero-nicotine, watermelon-flavored e-juice onto my vape’s atomizer, and in no time at all, I was busy making clouds of sweet vapor.

Only one question remains now, however… The question of how long I would be able to stand this nicotine-free vice. Would I succeed this time, or would I succumb once more to the temptation of nicotine and commercially-available cigarettes? Only time could tell.

So, until next time! Keep calm and vape on!
Martin

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