I know the topic of ‘Accidental Pregnancy’ is a very sensitive issue, but allow me to talk to you guys about this new thing we all discovered -albeit the hard way- called a ‘Cryptic Pregnancy’.
Story goes like this. Early Saturday morning, last December 20th, my sister, Janine, was complaining of menstrual cramps and dysmenorrhea. Of course, being the overly-eager big brother, I volunteered to buy her some medicine to ease her monthly pains.
I got her meds, sure, but this is where it gets interesting. When I got home, I was told they all went out, and I quote, “to go buy medicine”. It came as a shock to me, since my sister could even barely move an inch, and they bring her with my parents to go buy medici– Wait, what? BOTH my parents? My dad almost NEVER leaves the house! Then it dawned on me. They went to the hospital.
My mom and I had a very early appointment that morning, so she rushed home as soon as possible to prepare for our trip. When I asked her what happened, she asked me to guess. I was already thinking of the worst, when she cut me off with “Janine’s pregnant and about to give birth.” I was shocked. ACTUALLY, SHOCKED IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT! Before I could ask “WHY” or “HOW”, her phone rang.
Two minutes later, she tells me “9:05am. Baby girl. Full term. Very healthy.” and at that moment in time, the only thing that popped into my mind was “SHE WENT HOME HALF-DRUNK LAST WEEK! HOW?!?!?!”
Here are the possible arguments:
- Baby didn’t kick? Intoxicated by alcohol, apparently.
- She was having her period! Nope, doctors say it was heavy spotting.
- She even did a 30-day sit-up challenge! Good, because she needed that to ease labor.
- Her tummy didn’t even grow! That’s why it’s called a CRYPTIC pregnancy.
- Who the hell is the father? Can’t tell. Janine doesn’t even want to tell the father that he is what he is. BONUS: It’s not Gelo, if that ever crossed your mind.
- What name does she take, then? Since no father is available, then she will adopt her mother’s middle and last names, by law.
That was a hoot, eh? Well, enough with the questions. On with the photos!